1.1 The First Time
Lee: Just walk with me.
Dotty: Clams again, Dear.
1.2 There Goes the Neighborhood
Lee: You are lying and sneaking—you're working for the government.
1.3 If Thoughts Could Kill
Nurse Chapman: Some people don’t have knees. Count your blessings.
1.4 Magic Bus
Amanda: Yeah. Well, just in case you don't, do you think maybe you could say something nice about my work? I mean, after all, I think I did contribute something to it.
Lee: Hmm. Okay, uh, your work was . . . [Amanda raises her eyebrows. Lee smiles, seeing an opportunity.] Not bad.
Amanda: Not bad?
Lee: Yeah. Not bad.
[Amanda chuckles and shakes her head]
Amanda: Not bad.
Lee: Well, you think my legs are just "okay," I think your work was just "not bad."
[Amanda eases herself up and looks him in the eye]
Amanda: That is so petty.
Lee: Care to change your opinion?
1.5 The ACM Kid
Alexi: If he's so hot, what's he doing tied up in a closet?
1.6 Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth
Amanda: Oh, no, no, no, that was a very subtle performance you gave at the window. She thinks we're having an oh-hoh-hoh-hoh!
1.7 Service Above and Beyond
Amanda: He carried me.
1.8 Saved by the Bells
Amanda: Yes, torturing me would be silly.
1.9 Sudden Death
Dotty: Amanda, you're not Uncle Iggy. Imagine, you, leading a double life. [She laughs out loud. Silently, Lee and Amanda clink glasses] Imagine, you! I mean, that is a silly thought . . . Amanda?
1.10 The Long Christmas Eve
Amanda [While she catches her breath, Lee looks around. He sees Ivan and Dmitri through the trees. He grabs Amanda and pulls her to the ground, landing on top of her. The KGB agents leave.]: Lee! Isn't this a little sudden? I mean, shouldn't we talk about this? This would compromise our whole professional relationship–
1.11 Remembrance of Things Past
Lee [To Amanda]: Oh, that I do know, and believe me when I need a blackbelt confuser I will call you.
1.12 Lost and Found
Lee: It's over!
1.13 I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been. . . a Spy
Amanda: Are you telling me that you're a spy?
Lee: I've never cared for that word, really.
Amanda: Oh, my gosh.
Lee: Now, please. Just relax and sit down?
Amanda: You're a spy!
Lee: Guess what.
Lee: You are, too.
[Amanda, not expecting this, turns and leans against the counter]
Amanda: Oh, my gosh!
1.14 Dead Ringer
Amanda: Uh . . . sure, well, yes, he's, uh, got nice hair, it's not great hair, but it's nice hair, he's tall. [The more she says, the more her voice softens] Uh, straight nose, and uh, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful eyes. Pretty eyes, really. [Suddenly realizing what she said, Amanda's smile fades and she embarrassingly changes the subject.] You know, that phone is going to ring any minute. Any minute, that phone is going to ring. It—I can—I can feel it.
1.15 The Mole
Monica Benson: Come on into the living room. If I'm going to be interrogated, I might as well do it under my own lamp.
Lee: Hold it, hold it. You believed in me. Huh? You did what you did because you trusted me. [Amanda, instead of responding, sweeps her hand down his jacket, dusting it.] Now, I don't know anybody who would go that far out on a limb for a friend. Amanda, you are not foolish, you're very far from it.
Amanda: Friend? [Lee nods. Amanda sniffles.] We're friends?
Lee: Well, I, uh . . . exaggerated a little.
1.17 The Artful Dodger
Francine: I hear Fred runs a dynamite microfilm machine, Lee.
1.18 Filming Raul
Francine: Oh, great, well, why don't we all meet back here, say a week from next Tuesday?
1.19 Fearless Dotty
Dotty: How can you not want to meet someone you've never even seen?
Amanda: Later means never.
1.22 Waiting for Godorsky
Amanda: I mean, why watch the news? It's always so depressing. Let's just go upstairs to Phillip and Jamie's room and I'll tell you all about the princess and I'll tell you all about who was there and what they wore and what the room looked like . . . before lunch.
2.1 To Catch a Mongoose
Keaton: Singing like a jaybird. She's good, you know.
Lee: She has her own style.
2.2 The Times They Are a Changin'
Dotty: —and do you know what your lucky number is?
Amanda: No, what is it?
Dotty: One thousand, six hundred and thirty-eight.
Amanda: Gee, you know, I always kind of hoped my lucky number would be seven.
2.3 Double Agent
Dotty: No, no! Just a minute. It’ll all be over in a few minutes.
Amanda: [to herself] That’s what I’m afraid of.
Amanda: Take your belt off. Take off your belt. Take. . . your . . . belt. . . off.
2.4 The Legend of Das Geisterschloss
Amanda: Oh no, Sir. We're not a couple. We're together, but we're not a couple. I mean we're friends. We're just a couple of friends.
2.5 Charity Begins at Home
Billy: I understand you all the time. . . It bothers me, but I do understand you.
2.6 Brunettes Are In
Lee: Well. . . [He refolds the paper and puts it back in the envelope.] How about. . . the circular file? [He wads it up and tosses it neatly into a garbage can several feet away. He offers his hand to Amanda.] Partner.
2.7 Our Man in Tegernsee
Harry: You always did have a killer right. [wiping blood from his mouth] You understand, pal. It was nothing personal.
Lee: Wrong again, Harry. [Lee looks at Amanda] It was very personal.
2.8 Affair at Bromfield Hall
Amanda: No. I'm not going to let you do it alone. They've tried to kill you twice. If they try again I want to be there.
Lee: To do what?
Amanda: Um. . .
Lee: To do what?
2.9 A Class Act
Amanda: What am I doing wrong?
Lee: [mumbling] Almost everything.
2.10 Playing Possum
Amanda: Mother, I’m a spy.
Dotty: Of course. [She immediately starts to get up, thinking Amanda is pulling her leg]
Amanda: Mother, there’s a nuclear bomb in Washington. And it’s gonna go off unless we find a man named Kreschenko.
Dotty: We? Meaning you and the other spies that you work with?
Amanda: Yes, Mother, that’s right. Now listen. I would go with you to Vermont, except that I have vital information that the other spies need in order to find the bomb.
Dotty [at the same time as Amanda finishes her sentence]: —vital information that the other spies need in order to find the bomb.
Amanda: That’s right, Mother. Mother, it only comes out under hypnosis.
Dotty [sighs]: Amanda, you did this as a child. You would tell absurd stories when you wanted something. Once it was a bicycle, so that the dragons wouldn’t catch you on the way home from school.
Amanda [says at the same time]: Mother, this isn’t like the dragons.
Dotty: If you really have a viable reason for me and the boys to leave at the crack of dawn then all you have to do is tell me, but, Darling, don’t lie to me.
Dotty: That’s all you have to say.
Amanda [smiles]: Thank you!
Dotty [gets up and heads upstairs to dress]: Spies! Bombs! Now it’s hypnosis!
2.11 The Three Faces of Emily
Emily [concerned]: Do you think this is going to upset her terribly?
Lee: There’s nothing to worry about. She’ll go with the flow.
Amanda [from the other room, very upset]: Oh, my gosh!
Emily: I’m afraid she’s being swept away by the flow.
2.12 Ship of Spies
Amanda: Oh, well, how can I get in any trouble walking around the deck? [She takes a sip of her drink]
Lee: If anyone can manage it, you can.
Amanda: Are you Perry Mason? Am I supposed to crack under the pressure or something?
2.14 A Little Sex, a Little Scandal
Billy [talking to Lee on the phone]: The whole store!
2.15 A Relative Situation
Francine: So that’s what’s different about you lately, Lee. You’ve changed perfumes.
2.16 Life of the Party
Francine: Amanda, I am an expert at hand-to-hand combat, small arms weaponry, wealthy men between 30 and 40, but definitely not a kitchen person.
Amanda: Look. Francine. You gotta do it, okay? Now you know how to cook, don't you?
Francine: I know how to hire a cook.
2.17 Odds on a Dead Pigeon
Amanda: How did you know it was me?
Lee: Who else do I know whose last words would be “Oh, my gosh”?
2.18 Car Wars
Mechanic: Hey, lady, you think rubber grows on trees?
2.19 D.O.A.: Delirious on Arrival
Amanda: Lee, you missed the cartwheel.
2.20 You Only Die Twice
Amanda: I was just kidnapped. They were going to kill me, but I got ‘em with the whipped cream.
2.21 Burn Out
Travis: I love the smell of diesel in the mornin'!
2.22 Murder Between Friends
Billy: Amanda! Were you killed?
Amanda: Ahh no, Sir!
Billy: Good for you.
2.23 Vigilante Mothers
[Behind Lee, Amanda pops out from his shrubs]
Lee: [irritated at being "got"]: Amanda! [lowers his voice to a whisper] You just about scared the hell out of me.
Amanda: [unrepentantly]: Oh, I'm sorry.
Amanda [happily]: Now you know what it feels like.
3.1 A Lovely Little Affair
Dotty: I can use that in a sentence, “The handsome man is not wearing a wig, he is wearing his ownhair.”
3.2 We're Off to See the Wizard
Amanda: Look, you won't talk to anybody, and you just act like you're some kind of Superman and you're not Superman. You're just a man, but you're really a pretty special man.
3.3 Over the Limit
Leatherneck: See the object of this thing is to fire your weapon at your adversary. Not the ceiling. The ceiling is on our side.
3.4 Tail of the Dancing Weasel
Harry V. Thornton: Lee says you have good instincts. He said he would follow you blind in a blizzard at midnight.
3.5 Welcome to America, Mr. Brand
Amanda: You owe me for this, Stetson.
3.6 Sour Grapes
Lee: Do you have a cure for shark bite?
3.7 Utopia Now
Amanda: Not exactly.
3.8 Reach for the Sky
Lee: Do you think you can break into Zorbel's place?
Amanda: Call me a cab.
Lee: You're a cab.
3.9 J. Edgar's Ghost
Amanda: Lee, we´re talking about love and when you talk about love, you have to be patient!
3.10 Flight to Freedom
Francine: I’m just trying to name that scowl.
3.11 The Wrong Way Home
Lee: But okay. . . isn’t good enough for you.
3.12 Fast Food for Thought
Amanda: Once on the lips, forever on the hips.
3.13 One Bear Dances, One Bear Doesn't
Lee: Amanda is a clearance code all her own.
3.14 Playing for Keeps
Amanda: I missed you, too.
3.15 The Pharaoh’s Engineer
Amanda [surprised]: Pyramid is the Agency?
3.16 The Triumvirate
Amanda: Oh boy, don’t you ever get tired of this?
Lee: Comes with the territory.
Amanda: No, that’s what I mean. Don’t you ever get tired of the territory? I mean, lately I feel like I can’t even make any plans in advance anymore. I missed Phillip’s play when he was Rumpelstiltskin and. . . looks like I may even miss Jamie’s first open house at school.
Lee: Yeah, I hear ya. This job has cost me my share of relationships, that’s for sure.
Amanda: Why do you keep on doing it?
Lee: It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it.
Amanda: Oh, come on, I’m trying to be serious.
Lee [his expression becomes serious]: Well, I guess I am too. It is a job someone has to do. I happen to do it well. There’s parts of it I don’t like. . . parts I like a lot. . . [he looks directly at Amanda]. But what about you? I mean, there are other part-time jobs that pay a lot more than this and are a hell of a lot less dangerous, right?
Amanda: Oh, I don’t know; I guess I have some kind of an idea about making the world a safer place for Phillip and Jamie. It’s really pretty silly, isn’t it?
Lee: No. No, it isn’t. And that’s why. . . we are stuck with this.
3.17 The Eyes Have It
Billy: I second that prescription, Scarecrow, and that’s an order. [to Amanda] Mrs. King, I have an assignment for you.
Amanda: Yes, Sir, what is it?
Billy: I’m giving you a temporary AOS-16 status so he will get that rest.
Amanda: Yes, Sir. I won’t let you down.
Amanda: Higher than you. That’s right.
Lee: One level higher.
3.18 Wrong Number
Lee: Hypothetically speaking, how would you rate me?
Amanda: I wouldn’t. . . not yet.
3.19 The Boy Who Could Be King
Amanda: I’ve got a feeling everyone’s going to live happily ever after.
3.20 Dead Men Leave No Trails
Lee: What do we do for an encore after a day like this?
Amanda: Well, Mother and the boys won’t be home until tomorrow, I have a couple of steaks. . .
Lee: You and me? Your house, just like, uh. . . [pauses, glances away and then back]. . . a couple of normal people?
Amanda: Let’s give it a try. [Amanda puts her arm around Lee]
3.21 Three Little Spies
Lee: He’s got more bugs then the Mormon’s had locusts.
3.22 All the World's a Stage
Lee: No, not this time.
Amanda: Now wait a minute. You can't just walk into my life, hand me a package, tell me to give it to the man in the red hat, tell me that you love me and walk out of my life again.
Lee: Well, here we are. Nice quiet dinner in our cozy hideout, cleaning our guns. Another typical evening with the spy family.
Lee: I wish you could have known them.
Amanda: I think I already do.
No Thanks for the Memory
Amanda: I may be sleepy, but I’m not dead.
It's in the Water
Lee: It’s funny how a little romance can complicate things.
Lee: Amanda King, you are the best, the bravest, the smartest, most beautiful woman I have ever known.
Billy's Lost Weekend
Billy: Before I forget. . . I want you both to know that your relationship—whatever it is—is fine with me. We all look for something, and when we find it, I think we should hold onto it with everything we’ve got.
Lee: Listen. If you had any deep dark secrets, they would have found them by now.
Amanda: I don't have any secrets.
Lee: Oh? I can think of one or two.
The Man Who Died Twice
Dotty: What do you do when the man you like wants to live dangerously?
Need to Know
Francine: Don’t even bother trying to explain. . . you’ll only make it worse.
Santa's Got a Brand New Bag
Lee: Just another Christmas Eve trapped in a nest of killers. This is getting to be our own little holiday tradition.
Any Number Can Play
Amanda: My mother's seeing a spy.
Promises to Keep
Francine: He never took me skiing.
Rumors of My Death
Lee: You're more exciting, more vibrant, more beautiful.
Amanda: I've gotta agree there.
Amanda: No, we need practice in this too.
Do You Take This Spy?
Dotty: Hmm? I wonder if he'd catch something!
Mission of Gold
Lee: I love you, Mrs. Stetson.
One Flew East
Lee: Forget the textbook and talk straight from the heart.
All That Glitters
Lee: Listen, ah Amanda when all this is over, do you mind if I get back to distracting you?
Amanda: I'll be looking forward to it.
Suitable for Framing
Lee: I don't want it cold; I want it hot, tonight, with my wife. Damn it, Amanda, we have not had an uninterrupted weekend since we’ve been married. We are lucky if we get a night now and then.
Amanda: We knew it would be hard for a while. We do spend a lot of time together at work.
Lee: Yeah, well work is torture. Do you know what’s it’s like watching you across the room when all I want to do--
Amanda: When do you leave?
Lee: An hour.
Amanda: I’ll be over there in ten minutes. The evening will not be a complete loss.
A Matter of Choice
Dotty: Lee, let me ask you a question. . . are you familiar with the fourth dimension theory in laundry?
The Khrushchev List
Billy: You know partnership is just like marriage. You’d be getting practice for the real thing. Well, you never know, Scarecrow. I mean stranger things have happened.